Obama has just finished his first week, albeit a short holiday week (are you saying we should make our first black president work on Martin Luther King Jr. Day?). People all over the planet are in agreement: what is takin' so damn long?
"I know it's only been a week, so I can't be too hard on him for not fixing Iraq and Afghanistan." said a man from your home town, Burny Maddeupp, "But I figured he would have at least cured AIDS by now."
However, disapointment is limited to people in your hometown. Sheryl Gay Stolberg of the New York Times says, "How dare you kowtow to reality Barack!" (Okay, I'm paraphrasing, but at least I fought the urge to put quotation marks around her middle name.) Obama still operates on Windows XP, and that bastard advocates for change! You can't change anything if your screen is frozen!
Conservatives are disappointed too. Fox News is entirely in denial that he is even president
Rush Limbaugh, is bitterly disappointed that the apocalypse has not happened yet, because it would be better for Republican prospects in 2012. Bill O'Reilly, when asked for a comment replied "Who the fuck are you? Okay, that's five words so you owe me $1,200."
"Obama is on the slow track compared to other Great Presidents," tells Presidential historian and fictional character Dr. Jeff Fakesworthy, "Washington had already made 76 historical firsts, and 320 not so historical firsts, by this point. Lincoln, while it took him a little while longer, instituted a 'don't ask don't tell' policy for the Irish in the military. Andrew Jackson wrestled a bear and two moose between the swearing in and the inaugural ball,and by the end of the week, half of congress had musket balls lodged in various parts of their bodies."
I know what you are thinking: "Can I trust anything you say?" To this I reply, don't lose your faith in Obama just yet. I know you thought your gravy train had come in on Mr Obama's coat tails, but remember, rail transportation is very slow, unless you are on one of those super-fast Japanese bullet trains... We should have elected a Japanese president, that would have been sweet. Where was I? Oh, you were talking about me.
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