Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Things that bite... In Connecticut

I don't know how I feel about all of Barak Obama's press conferences, he has had two already, and all of these questions.... these would have got Bush through the better part of his first term. I don't care how candid and honest he is, when I try to turn on American Idol, it is because I want to forget my troubles, not be frankly reminded of them.

I digress.

Usually when people think of Connecticut, the fiercest thing involved is Chris Dodd (Oh, no you Doddn't). However, things seem to have been turned upside-down lately. There was the famous incident about a month ago. A woman was attacked by a monkey. This attack even got congress to take a break from giving out money to talk about a pointless bill to ban the interstate transportation of monkeys.

If this wasn't enough, a few weeks ago, some woman found an alligator crawling out of a sewer drain. I'm not entirely sure why this woman was living in a sewer drain, but I would like to think that she is safe from vicious clawed baby animals which are adorable.

For the coup de gros, last week a woman and her husband got in a fight. Now, I assume she must have been some sort of conflict counselor, because she realized very astutely that nothing ends fights quite like handcuffs. So while her husband was sleeping she locked the bedroom door (from the outside somehow), and chained herself to his wrist. Everything was going well until he started to called the cops, so she was logically forced to bite him.

Now, I'm note exactly sure how long full moons last, but I don't think that you can blame what has been going wrong on astrological phenomena. Maybe people are just really excited about womens basketball. To top it off The Haunting in Connecticut came out last week, so if we keep this up, we might surpass Texas as the creepiest state! Well at least then I will be able to tell people "Don't mess with Connecticut, or we will confuse you with spelling."

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