The Third Speaks: Snorkels for Polar Bears

Hello ladies and gentlemen,

You probably have been wondering since the inception of this blog, who is this mysterious/sexy Stinkerton who lurks in the sidebar of this tantalizing blog? Ok, you are right, you have been thinking no such thing, mostly because you don't know what 'tantalizing means'. I have come to answer just that question, with a scathing tirade so acidic it will make you look up from your lol-catz.

The subject of my tirade:
The Balding Penguin

Thats right, its adorable.

This is revolting. It is this sort of mindless whale-hugging that allows Subaru to get away with green living adds. (Note: whales are slimy and bad huggers)

"Oh, look, that penguin is losing its little hair! I know lets give it a jacket so it can swim around and be soooooo cute in its little penguin wet-suit."

WRONG! We should be saying "Haha! You're an inferior penguin, and you are going to die." and then laugh as it shivers alone in a corner.

Don't misunderstand. I love nature as much as any of you hippies. You can tell because I eat more of its creatures than you do (I'm really glad they didn't give those flightless chickens airplanes), but its the circle of life. The weak are supposed to die, it is just how the works.

I will explain this to in a way that caters to your ADD. Lets say we give this penguin a wet suit. Rather than dying like it is supposed to, it goes and gets busy with a bunch of girl-penguins without use of a penguin condom (I wonder if sperm balds too?). Then he carries his little egg and it hatches into little bald baby penguin, which are also adorable. But soon these babies are making more bald babies! Soon, they every penguin in the arctic is to busy shivering, and get eaten by polar bears. It is kind of like the movie 28 days later except far less exciting and far more cute.

However, all of this talk of polar bear gives me an idea. Why don't we just give all the polar bears who are drowning in the north pole snorkels? At least with them it is our fault that they are dying, and not some genetic defect, unless you count that they weren't born with gills (slackers).