Elevator etiquette and moaning about the weather

Elevators are supposed to make life convenient and help you get around more quickly.  They are for helping those who are carrying heavy loads or for those who are not physically capable of making it up and down stairs easily. They are not a means of avoiding exercise. If you take the lift up one floor and you look perfectly capable of walking up the stairs, don't be surprised if you hear me exclaim, "Are you freakin' kidding me?" This especially bothers me at the library. People will wait several minutes for the lift to appear, and then will get off one floor later. Why? I'm lookin' at you 20 year old size 4 girl not carrying any books. I will not buy your excuse if it's, "Well, I'm too out of shape and going up the stairs is painful." You know what gets you in shape? Climbing the stairs. Walking up the escalator rather than standing there. Don't make crowds of people, waiting for the down elevator from the 3rd floor wait for you to go up one floor to the 4th. Really, it's super lame. Oh, and if you are going to get off at the first floor, be the last one in the elevator, not the first. It takes longer for the rest of us to get anywhere if people have to get out of the elevator in order to let your lazy ass off.

My second cause for rage today: People moaning about the weather. It's March, not June! Did you expect the end of February to magically bring spring? Before moving to London, I spent my last five winters in New England. Freak snow storms always appear towards the end of March and even through early April. Sure it will feel nice for a couple of days, but the temperature will drop down again. It really doesn't ever start getting warm until mid-April or May. The snow may stop, but we'll get rain, sleet, mud, and everything else instead. My memories of spring from freshman year involve me running down the long walk through the never ending rain, hoping to not be entirely drenched by the time I got to class so I wouldn't have to sit there shivering. The great thing about March is that we finally get some sunshine, but warmth? Nope. 

And for people who complain about the so-called "dreariness" of the London winter and current weather, I'm not buying it. We've had more sunshine and warmth this winter than I ever saw in Boston or Connecticut. If 46 degrees and sunny equals terrible winter, then you've never fully experienced a real winter. It really doesn't rain all that much here, and when it does, it usually doesn't rain very hard or last for very long. If you want to experience bad weather, go to Ireland. 

The Skincare Boutique of Dr Moreau

I am going to spare you the March came in like a lion joke, which seems to be almost obligatory for news sources who are covering the fact that here in New England, we just had a friggin Blizzard! What the hell! I am totally going down to Pennsylvania and am going to kick that ground hog's ass!

Ok, I shouldn't be this pissed off. I'm a New England native, and late snowstorms are pretty common here. I can also take this time to catch up on my work and to plan my lessons. But this winter set on early, and I was hoping it would go out in the same way. However, just like that drunk who comes early to your party to start in on your booze, now, at 3 am, old man winter is asking where we keep our bourbon.

At least school is cancelled so I have a chance to simultaneously get work done and melt my brain with some daytime TV. While looking at school closings in my area, this segment came on the TV. Now it is no secret that I have long sought after the secret to un-frizz my hair, but some of these products are just too much.

Is the battle against gingivitis keeping you up at night? We finally have a solution: Pearly Dreams. No, this is not a porn website or a Chinese restaurant, instead it is a product which combines the minty freshness of toothpaste with the soul crushing addiction of sleep medication. You will never forget to brush your teeth again.

I don't know why no one thought of this before. Huge Lips is a lip plumper that includes an appetite suppressant. This is great, I quote 'beauty expert' Jenn Falik "...just bring it to a cocktail party, keep applying it and you will leave skinnier than you came." and Today Show: "...I think I might be having an allergic reaction." That's right ladies, you can now hide your anorexia behind Angelina Jollie-size lips. Jenn should totally be an expert in looking sexy : "Just apply and tell yourself not to eat!"

For our last product today, we talk about WrinkleFree Eyes. These little plastic patches go under your eyes, and while you sleep, they zap the bajeezes out of your crows-feet. Is there any problem a few volts of electricity can't fix? It's like electro-shock therapy, but for your wrinkles! Don't take my word for it, Jenn gives a stunning review: "I tried it, and I can still see!"

Now if you don't mind there is a man with a plow trying to kick me out of my parking space.