Are the Oscar folks caving to peer pressure?

Granted I haven't yet watched the Oscars this year, nor have I seen the majority of the nominated movies, but something just doesn't feel right about a lot of the results (and nominations). The two awards I agree with, although I haven't seen more than a few clips from the movies, are Sean Penn for Milk and Kate Winslet for the Reader. But Slumdog for best picture? Heath Ledger for best supporting actor? Penelope Cruz for best supporting actress? Oh, and Robert Downey Jr. nominated for his role in Tropic Thunder? Either the Oscars are really trying to please everyone this year or the other movies must have really sucked.

Don't get me wrong, I really loved Slumdog Millionaire. It was sad, happy, and everything in between. The story was heartwarming and the characters were great, so was the music and cinematography. But it was ridiculously cheezy and unbelievable, or at least the whole destiny crap was. Some parts were pretty predictable and by the end I wanted to scream when they showed that scene of Latika at the train station for the 8 bajillionth time. I left the movie feeling happy I'd seen it, and did recommend it to a few people. But I wasn't going around saying, "You MUST see this movie immediately!!!" like I did after seeing No Country For Old Men last year. So either the Oscar folks were afraid that the world would egg their houses if they rejected it, or perhaps they simply wanted to pick a feel good movie (if death and betrayal make you feel good) since we're living in some fairly depressing times. 

Heath Ledger did a great job in the Dark Knight, but I'm sure the other actors did great jobs in their respective movies as well. I kind of feel like if Ledger hadn't died, his nomination would have been similar to Johnny Depp's nomination in Pirates of the Caribbean. A nice head nod of appreciation but no real expectation that he would win. Although, looking at the other nominees, everyone else looks boring-oh and Robert Downey Jr. is in this category too. What competition! Would he have won if he hadn't died? Maybe, but I'm not so sure. And once he was nominated, how could he ever lose? 

Penelope Cruz's win really pisses me off. Marisa Tomei did a great job in the Wrestler, but the writing for her part sucked so she didn't have a great chance of winning. But I've heard that Amy Adams and Taraji P. Henson did great jobs in their roles! And Penelope Cruz? She played the same part she's played a million times. Crazy Spanish woman who seduces main character, comes off as kind of evil, and then shows that she has her weaknesses so that we all fall in love with her? Oh I've seen that one! Was it Blow? Or was it perhaps the Italian Non ti muovere? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the one (although Cruz is technically supposed to be Italian, not Spanish, in this movie)

So kids, this year's Oscar lesson: You too can win awards if you just remember to take too many sleeping pills and play the same role again and again until someone eventually pays attention to you.

How wrong was I!

It's finally Oscar night! I'm so excited, I just got to watch three hours of Tim from Project Runway pretend that it is cool for Penelope Cruz to wear an 8 year old dress, and it is finally time for Hugh Jackman to come on to stage! Oh my god Hugh Jackman! He is singing AND dancing! This is amazing! He can pick up Ann Hathaway? That means he can totally lift, like, 35 lbs!

Oh, but now it is time for the first award! The counsel of elder supporting actresses had come out to present the award. It is my first opportunity to be wrong, and I do so brilliantly! Penelope Cruz! But she is wearing fashions from eight years ago! I suppose this is great for her though, it is amazing that she has overcome our latent stereotypes: that Woody Allen movies can't have good acting. I guess she was channeling Jarvier Bardem, that must be what she is saying in Spanish.

Why are the writing awards now? Is the Academy finally admiting that they don't give a shit about writers? How come space chimps didn't get nominated for an Oscar? Damn you Wall-E! Well maybe they should have been Kung-fu space chimps! I am totally copyrighting that! Don't steal it, this idea is going to put my kids through college!

Now for the technical awards which no one really understands what they mean, and usually get thrown away to whoever spent the most money. Daniel Craig and Sarah Jessica Parker are on stage, I would totally sleep with one of those people. I'll let you guess which one. Benjamin Button just got its first win for make-up, because it was difficult to make Brad Pitt look any more like a twelve year old?

Now, Fifteen minutes of Seth Rogen and James Franco are pretending to be funny again. There is something about them smoking pot and watching every major Hollywood movie produced last year. I don't remember there being this much self advertising in the Oscars. When did Meryl Streep become the new Jack Nicholson? Hugh Jackman has acknowledged her existence way too much. I guess this is what happens when get a Broadway star to host... speaking of which he is now dancing with Beyonce. I might be wrong about the Milk thing, this has been the gayest Oscars ever.

What is it with this whole award gang-bang thing that they have going on? Why do they need five best supporting actors give a dead guy an award? By the way... I totally called this one! This makes me 1-1! But then again, this has been coming since last April. You go ahead and cry Ann Hathaway! You'll probably have to die before they give you any awards.

It's time for the Documentaries, which means its time to check out what else is on TV. Bill Marr... Blah blah blah... Ooooh, shiney car chases and... Benjamin Button won for visual effects? Did you see Slumdog Millionaire? They somehow got that girls skin to get like 8 shades lighter as she grew up! That is totally the same thing as Benjamin Button! Oh, they just took film editing, which is like visual effects but artsy-er.

Now we get a Jerry Lewis montage with Viva La Vida. Which gives me an idea: we should totally neuter Coldplay! Oh man, and that guy totally just prayed to Allah on stage! Here go the ridiculous best song performances! At least they are all Bollywood, which adapts very well to cheesy stagyness. Oh man! They are keeping the Bollywood dancers and beat for the Wall-E song. The auto-tuner is messing up on this guy, way to pull a Kanye! I just got my second call right: Slumdog swept the songs!

Slumdog just took best director, who apparently is the whitest dude ever. Here goes the line-up of former best actress women, they are not nearly as old as the supporting actresses, and a little more French. Oh, damn, Kate got it making me 2-2. But I have my revenge as she now has to fight all the previous Best Actresses to the death. Funny story, this tradition is where Adrien Brody broke his nose.

Ouch! I just lost the best actor too? This is terrible! At least Sean Penn agrees with me that it makes no sense that he won. And Best Picture! I totally blame Stephen Speilberg for this one. Even though it is small consolation that a good movie won.

So to recap, Slumdog Millionaire was the big winner, and I was a loser going 2-3 in my picks for oscars.