Female Superheroes: Why I hope it doesn't happen

When I was a freshman in high school, there was a large group of us that would sit together at lunch almost every day. The group was pretty much an even mix of guys and girls. Fairly frequently, we would get into a heated debate: which is better? Men or women? Without fail, the guys would argue for men and the girls would argue for women. There was simply no conclusion to the debate because the longer it continued, the more each side would feel justified in believing it was correct. Oftentimes, the arguments were pretty stupid and each side tended to mention over-the-top generalizations of the other sex in order to prove its point. A lot of the time each side wouldn't hear the other side's argument because there were too many shouts of, "Yeah!" "Oh snap!" and "That is so not true!" going on. 

As an adult, I find that the argument continues, now only slightly better articulated. A recent example of this is the debate over female superheroes. I read a couple of posts about it over at Jezebel and then followed links to articles for and against female superheroes. The article for it was written by a woman, and the article against it was written by a man. I did find the woman's article much better than the man's, and now kind of want to see a female superhero movie happen just to spite him. Seriously, that guy's article was a POS. 

However, I have to disagree with Jezebel and the woman arguing for female superheroes. Not because I agree with Mr. Douchebag McDouche, but because superhero movies are dumb. Believe me, I love action and violence. No Country for Old Men is one of the greatest movies I have seen within the last few years and my favorite part from the Matrix when I was younger was the metal detector scene where they blow up everything. But every time a new superhero movie comes out (with the exception of a couple, like Batman), I groan. They are so stupid! Nerd with secret identity and boring life develops freak powers (knowingly or unknowingly) and fights some inexplicable monster. The nerd all of a sudden becomes super cool and develops the ability to destroy things that get in his way. The reason I like Batman above all the rest is because he doesn't have superpowers, he just happens to be awesome (and in really good shape). Why would any woman want to take part in any of that? To return to my freshman high school self: Superheroes are lame and boring. Trust me ladies, we can do better.

As much as McDouche (as I've taken to calling him) sucks, he did make one or two points I could almost agree with. One was that women wanting a female superhero is kind of trying to give women something that men like instead of giving women what women want. He then craps on his own argument by saying that women want romance comedies and Julia Roberts. Wrong. While I might rather go see Slumdog Millionaire than Iron Man, I am not rushing out to see the latest crap with Ann Hathaway in it. However, I think there is something to be said in the fact that not all women have a strong desire to see superhero movies. Yes, many do, but not all by any means. 

In high school I was pretty into karate (see, McDouche, I like getting punched in the face and ovaries) and found that the men and women had pretty different reasons for signing up. While a lot of the young men found it fun and a great way to get in shape, almost every single woman in the class had a defensive reason for taking it. In a women's self-defense workshop we had, every single woman in the room had had a bad experience and wanted to be able to protect herself and her family from a future incident. Of course most of us also loved punching and kicking things, but there wasn't some greater desire to show off to our friends (okay maybe we did a little bit). My sensei commented on how a lot of the time his female students tended to correct their technique faster than his male students. While many of the men relied on strength, the women understood more quickly that strength was not going to help them perfect their technique. From my own experience, the women I have known have not wanted some fantastic superpower help them defeat all the evil in the world. Instead, it's about using what you already have and knowing what you can get away with. 

How about instead of a female superhero we have more movies featuring female badasses? Beatrix Kiddo from Kill Bill, the girl from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Trinity from the Matrix, and Eowyn from LOTR are all awesome. Each has her weaknesses, but knows how to kick some serious ass. Maybe that would encourage more women to take martial arts classes before having a horrible experience push them into it. Give us something believable, like a woman who  really can defeat her enemies without having been born near some toxic chemical waste site. My favorite heroines do not rely on fancy technical gadgets to save them, or lasers coming out of their eyes, but their back fists, round house kicks, and sword fighting skills. They also don't try to save the world in one go or stop criminals, but fight their way, little by little, to the forefront, where they show that women are, in fact, better than men. Everyone knows that female baddesses are way more fierce than male badasses. 

If one of these female superhero movies ever actually does come out, I hope she doesn't wear high heels. If she does, I will be inclined to beat her up myself. 

Dark Knight, another terrible movie

This weekend, I ventured to the movie theater where I watched, accompanied only by a tumble weed, the silver screen equivalent of Moose Murders, the new installment in the trite Batman franchise, The Dark Knight. The movie makers rushed this film so much in hopes of making a quick buck, that they practically caused the death of actor Heath Ledger. I don't completely understand all the hype over this young man, if Danny DiVito had died in the post-production of Batman Returns you wouldn't have cared.

One sign of a rushed movie, is that they decided to reuse the overdone villain the Joker. While the Joker is Batman's original and defining nemesis, there are no shortages of portrayals of this white-faced mass murderer, and there are so many other colorful villains and the Batman pantheon to draw form. After dipping into the lesser know characters, Ras Al Ghul and The Scarecrow, for Batman Begins I was hoping that Hollywood would be ready to bring some of Batman's adversaries to light.

Imagine, if instead of Heath Ledgers horrifying face appearing on the screen, we were treated to another portrayal of the classic character Clayface. This animated tennis court was once an actor but because of his dependence on an experimental cosmetic product transforms into a giant autonomous clay figure. The emotional range it takes to portray the desperation and the anguish that this character goes through, would require an actor of at least the caliber of Kenneth Branaugh.


I'm sure, like all bad movies, that there will of course be a sequel. Maybe they'll choose to remake more villains from the other movies, such as Mr Freeze, the tragic story of boy meets girl, girl dies, boy uses his advanced knowledge of cryogenics to kill people, later becoming governor of California. Or Poison Ivy, whose magical vagina always seems to come between Batman and his trusty sidekick, Robin. Maybe they'll try to revitalize this movie series by introducing to always fresh character Batgirl!

Interestingly enough, the movie grossed 155 Million dollars over the weekend, that must have been one wealthy tumble weed.