Some days I feel like Mugatu

Okay, so I didn't invent the piano key neck tie, or try to kill the Malaysian prime minister, but I can definitely relate to his "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" moment:


Mugatu's feelings about Derek Zoolander's facial expressions pretty much sum up how I feel about U2. Maybe my strong dislike for them stems from the fact that when I was little, my dad only listened to about seven bands/artists: U2, REM, Eric Clapton, Leonard Cohen, Paul Simon, Rod Stewart, and anything involving Mick Jagger. And by only thing he would listen to, I really mean that these were the only musicians he would listen to. Okay, so maybe you could slip some Phil Collins and David Bowie in there for brief periods of time, but they weren't as long lasting. From about 1989 until 2005 those were the only bands I would hear every time I got in his car. For whatever reason, I always hated U2 more than the rest. I remember going to homeroom one day in 4th grade and hearing my teacher and some of my classmates going, "Let's listen to U2!! They are so awesome!!!" My immediate reaction was, "What? That is definitely old people music." Even in 4th grade I thought their music was repetitive and tedious.

And now many years have passed and has U2 disappeared like they should have? No. Has their music evolved or gotten better? No. In fact, it's gotten worse, although there may have been a slight improvement since their super crappy period at the end of the '90s (remember Sweetest Thing?). People are obsessed with this band and I just don't get it! I have only heard the single off the new album and it sounds exactly like all their other music! Why do they get all this attention? Why do they get to play on David Letterman every single night in a week? "Secret" concert on a rooftop in London? Okay, that is kind of cool, but I'm still not sure they're worth it. Bono is a complete douchebag. Maybe he has done a lot of good for the world, but he's also ridiculously full of himself, or at least that's the impression I've gotten since I was little. Every single live performance I've seen on TV has involved him getting all up in the camera. He owns a hotel in Dublin and got caught smoking in it after the ban was put in place. Douche. Need more proof? Watch this. Not only do U2 and Greenday manage to destroy a great song, they also demonstrate a completely unrealistic understanding of how the world should be saved!

Every song is exactly the same. Every single one. See for yourself.

Sunday Bloody Sunday-1983


New Year's Day-1983


Where the Streets Have No Name-1987

I Still Haven't Found what I'm Looking for-1987 (unfortunately, this song will forever be linked to some of my memories from when I was 10)

Mysterious Ways-1991

Staring at the Sun-1997 (yuck)

Sweetest Thing-originally from the '80s, re-released in 1998

Beautiful Day-2000 I have a really hard time distinguishing this song from a lot of their others. It also sounds like something Coldplay completely ripped off.

Elevation-2000, My dad made me listen to the album this was on over and over again on a long car ride and I haven't fully recovered yet.

Vertigo-2004 For a long time I thought this and Elevation were the same song

Get on Your Boots-2009 This sounds a bit more like some of the older stuff, which isn't really that different from the newer stuff. Dumb.



Maybe I'm just nuts, but I'm not hearing a huge difference between this new Boots song and something like Mysterious Ways. Or Beautiful Day and Sweetest Thing. Even Mick Jagger's music has changed more in the last 20 years. Will the band ever break up or do I have to wait for Bono to kick it?

Female Superheroes: Why I hope it doesn't happen

When I was a freshman in high school, there was a large group of us that would sit together at lunch almost every day. The group was pretty much an even mix of guys and girls. Fairly frequently, we would get into a heated debate: which is better? Men or women? Without fail, the guys would argue for men and the girls would argue for women. There was simply no conclusion to the debate because the longer it continued, the more each side would feel justified in believing it was correct. Oftentimes, the arguments were pretty stupid and each side tended to mention over-the-top generalizations of the other sex in order to prove its point. A lot of the time each side wouldn't hear the other side's argument because there were too many shouts of, "Yeah!" "Oh snap!" and "That is so not true!" going on. 

As an adult, I find that the argument continues, now only slightly better articulated. A recent example of this is the debate over female superheroes. I read a couple of posts about it over at Jezebel and then followed links to articles for and against female superheroes. The article for it was written by a woman, and the article against it was written by a man. I did find the woman's article much better than the man's, and now kind of want to see a female superhero movie happen just to spite him. Seriously, that guy's article was a POS. 

However, I have to disagree with Jezebel and the woman arguing for female superheroes. Not because I agree with Mr. Douchebag McDouche, but because superhero movies are dumb. Believe me, I love action and violence. No Country for Old Men is one of the greatest movies I have seen within the last few years and my favorite part from the Matrix when I was younger was the metal detector scene where they blow up everything. But every time a new superhero movie comes out (with the exception of a couple, like Batman), I groan. They are so stupid! Nerd with secret identity and boring life develops freak powers (knowingly or unknowingly) and fights some inexplicable monster. The nerd all of a sudden becomes super cool and develops the ability to destroy things that get in his way. The reason I like Batman above all the rest is because he doesn't have superpowers, he just happens to be awesome (and in really good shape). Why would any woman want to take part in any of that? To return to my freshman high school self: Superheroes are lame and boring. Trust me ladies, we can do better.

As much as McDouche (as I've taken to calling him) sucks, he did make one or two points I could almost agree with. One was that women wanting a female superhero is kind of trying to give women something that men like instead of giving women what women want. He then craps on his own argument by saying that women want romance comedies and Julia Roberts. Wrong. While I might rather go see Slumdog Millionaire than Iron Man, I am not rushing out to see the latest crap with Ann Hathaway in it. However, I think there is something to be said in the fact that not all women have a strong desire to see superhero movies. Yes, many do, but not all by any means. 

In high school I was pretty into karate (see, McDouche, I like getting punched in the face and ovaries) and found that the men and women had pretty different reasons for signing up. While a lot of the young men found it fun and a great way to get in shape, almost every single woman in the class had a defensive reason for taking it. In a women's self-defense workshop we had, every single woman in the room had had a bad experience and wanted to be able to protect herself and her family from a future incident. Of course most of us also loved punching and kicking things, but there wasn't some greater desire to show off to our friends (okay maybe we did a little bit). My sensei commented on how a lot of the time his female students tended to correct their technique faster than his male students. While many of the men relied on strength, the women understood more quickly that strength was not going to help them perfect their technique. From my own experience, the women I have known have not wanted some fantastic superpower help them defeat all the evil in the world. Instead, it's about using what you already have and knowing what you can get away with. 

How about instead of a female superhero we have more movies featuring female badasses? Beatrix Kiddo from Kill Bill, the girl from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Trinity from the Matrix, and Eowyn from LOTR are all awesome. Each has her weaknesses, but knows how to kick some serious ass. Maybe that would encourage more women to take martial arts classes before having a horrible experience push them into it. Give us something believable, like a woman who  really can defeat her enemies without having been born near some toxic chemical waste site. My favorite heroines do not rely on fancy technical gadgets to save them, or lasers coming out of their eyes, but their back fists, round house kicks, and sword fighting skills. They also don't try to save the world in one go or stop criminals, but fight their way, little by little, to the forefront, where they show that women are, in fact, better than men. Everyone knows that female baddesses are way more fierce than male badasses. 

If one of these female superhero movies ever actually does come out, I hope she doesn't wear high heels. If she does, I will be inclined to beat her up myself.