If anyone can get mad about the inauguration, it's me

Yup, sure can. Don't believe it? Here goes:

1) Okay, so maybe this first one isn't really about the inauguration, per se, but it does have to do with Fox News coverage of the day before the inauguration. I normally attempt to block out what most of the Fox News correspondents say, but yesterday I actually put down whatever I was doing and looked up in shock at the screen. One of the correspondents had said, "We're starting to get a lot of Facebook twitters at the moment." I'm sorry, but if you don't know how the internet works, please don't try to pretend like you do. I've heard stories of professors who've referred to "Myface," and this is equally bad. For the record, Facebook and Twitter are two different websites. And it's called a "tweet" or "tweat" not "a twitter."

2) Fox News coverage in general. I wouldn't normally choose Fox over other (more technologically advanced) channels, but it's what my mom watches and I was too lazy to go anywhere else. For the most part, it wasn't all that bad. There was a lot of cheer going around and there was no bitterness about Obama becoming the president. However, I sometimes wonder how these people make it on to television. Other students in my program offer more thoughtful commentary over a 15 minute coffee break than these people do over the course of 4 hours. Here are some examples:

a) While Obama's family was walking onto the main platform, the correspondents were blithering about how finally there was a black role model for young black people. They actually stated that he was one of the first non-thug/gangsta role models around for people to look up to Wow, that is so true. If only I could think of someone young black people could have looked up to before Obama. Nope, can't think of one. None, whatsoever.

b) They went on, incessantly, about what Obama said in his speech immediately after it was over. They harped on how nothing he said was worthy of being engraved in granite. They then referenced famous speeches by previous presidents and how what Obama said didn't hold up to that. Leave it alone! The speech was powerful, it said what it needed to, and compared to who was giving the speeches before him, it was a freakin' masterpiece. Don't give him a hard time, when you use the word "misunderstimate" in your programming.

c) While Obama's limo was moving towards the White House, the announcers continually went on about Jimmy Carter getting out of the car to walk by the people all those years ago. "When will Obama get out of that car?" Guess what. He's America's first black president in a time when terrorism is a pretty large threat. Any nutjob could have a gun. Unless you've got the time and patience to frisk 2 million plus people, you never know what might happen. So the chances of him getting out of the car, slim to none.


3) This whole issue over Biden's wife slipping up to Oprah. Honestly, who cares? Hillary was Obama's opponent. Unless everyone has forgotten, the two weren't always buddy buddy. Obama didn't have to offer Hillary a position at all, why should we be that surprised that he didn't necessarily think of her first when going through his list? So stop mentioning it every time the camera focuses on her!

4) Chief Justice Roberts messing up the oath. Seriously dude? Although, Obama smiled so this is more funny than anything else.

5) Ted Kennedy. Way to steal Obama's thunder. KIDDING!!!! I'm just impressed he was able to be out and about with all the trouble he's had lately.

6) Yo Yo Ma and the rest of his quartet. It was less than 20 degrees in D.C. today. And yet, the man was sitting there, playing his cello in a suit. No jacket, no gloves, no hat...and yet he had a big grin on his face. I've always been the type of person, even as a kid, to wonder when the main character of a book goes to the bathroom. I'm always able to predict the end of movies with twisted plots because I pay attention to stuff like "He forgot that thing in the kitchen." So I can't believe that Yo Yo Ma is really doing okay in less than 20 degree weather without at least a neck gater. And no, I'm not your grandma. Take a look at this cheery (and yet talented) bugger.



7) The Redcoats. Come on guys, we all know you're still a bit bitter about that whole "no taxation without representation" thing back in the 18th century, but don't you think it's time to leave well enough alone? Sure Aretha sang "My Country 'Tis of Thee," which you claim we "stole." Just because we made your national anthem better doesn't mean you have to get all huffy about it.

8) Stinkerton is not a true American. He was too "busy" doing "work for his PhD" and "teaching" to actually watch the inauguration. He even told me, "I missed the part where Obama got slimed."

9) Spellchecker on Blogger, for still not accepting "Barack" or "Obama" as correct spelling.

This post brought to you by the letter G*

Last night, Stinkerton and I were watching Saturday Night Live when all of a sudden the TV was asking us, "What is G?" Our first response was, "What is this?" then, "Is this a joke? It has to be a joke. It's some sort of SNL spoof." A black and white screen, various athletes who slightly moved their heads, a guy with a gruff voice mumbling something about "G" being the emblem of a warrior. How could this possibly be serious? Then, Tiger Woods' face appeared and we knew that it was a real commercial. We instantly had two questions:

1) What the hell is "G?" At first we thought, maybe it's yet another extreme fragrance commercial. We'd have to do some research to figure out what this stuff was.

2) What won't Tiger Woods advertize?

After some googling, we discovered that "G" stands for Gatorade. Really, Gatorade? I'm not sure how I feel about Gatorade trying to push itself up to some sort of divine level. Sure, it helps to replace electrolytes after you've been exercising, but is it really what makes the "swagger of an athlete?" Is it really "a lower case god?" I don't think so. It's a sports drink, that's it. And talk about great advertizing. No one knows what "G" is supposed to be. The commercial doesn't show the beverage at all or even have the word "Gatorade" subtly mentioned anywhere. We're supposed to either just know or take a really good guess. Google results show that a whole lot of other people don't know what "G" is either. Do you know how difficult it is to google a letter? I got results for G-Unit, G-Flex, G-Shock, and eventually came across the answer. Ridiculous!

Do you remember when Tiger Woods was still likeable? He shocked the world by being part African American, part Chinese, part Thai, part Native American, part Dutch, and by having the name Tiger. At a time when golf was just something that boring white people did (and kinda steeped with racism), Woods appeared and really swung some life back into the game. People, even mini-golfers like myself, started paying attention (albeit just for a little bit) as the next greatest golf sensation since the invention of the Arnie Palmer took our breath away (okay, maybe no one paid that much attention).

But now, I wonder if he even plays all that much golf. He has become the posterboy for almost every product ever. How could I tell that the "What is G?" commercial was real? Because Tiger Woods was in it. I'm really starting to wonder if there is anything that he will not accept money for to advertize. So far he's showed up in commercials for:

1) Nike
2) Gillete
3) Gatorade
4) Tag Heur
5) Accenture
6) Buick/GM
7) Titleist
8) American Express
9) General Mills

Nine major advertizement deals. At this point I'm not sure whether there is an actual product in the commercial or if I'm supposed to be paying for Tiger Woods' face. Tiger, don't you have enough money? You seem like a nice guy, or at least your highly marketed smile seems to imply that you are, so how about you get back to the game? Maybe we can all remember you by some new cocktail, rather than as a guy who'll do just about anything for money.

*And in some parts by Stinkerton